Anne Roiphe-"A Tale of Two Divorces"

"A Tale of Two Divorces" by Anne Roiphe was alarming. I felt great sorrow for her mother, as she retold the failure of her parents marraige. It bothered me that there was a point in which her mother was willing to leave her father because of his abusiveness, yet then submitted herself to pardon him, and not leave him. Roiphe did the same when she was on ithe verge of divorce; she tried to find excuses for her husband's immoral actions. She explains, "my husband had other women and I thought it was an artist's privelege[...]" (208). Or when she states that her husband"went on binges and used up all our money. I thought it was poetic[...] I was always apologizing" (208). Perhaps there was a point in which these women allowed themselves to be naive and let the men in their lives to endulge in the stereotype of male superiority, where he is a womanizer, drinks excessively, critisizes his wife, and expects his house to be in perfect condition. I do, however, admire Roiphe for her strength in leaving that unhealthy relationship while she still could. This is why she refers to divorce as "an emergency escape hatch" (212). If a person is in a relationship that is truly distructive, then it is best for that person to distance themselves from that relationship, in order to save themselves from further misery and insecurity.

The most disturbing point of this article is that there is an instant bitterness that comes from a divorce. Roiphe has become skeptical about marraige. She mentions "if we are able to marraige as largely an economic, child-rearing institution[...] we might be better off" (211). I disagree with her statement because it completely defies the purpose of marraige. I believe marraige is all of those aspects such as managing money, taking care of children, and individual ambition; but I firmly believe that because Roiphe has been through the pain of a divorce, she is critisizing marraige in this way. Marraige also incorporates the ability for two people who love each other to grow with each other, take time to know each other, learn from each other, console and support one another, and deal with each other through good times and bad times, work through obstacles, with their faults and perfections, in other words "for better and for worse." It seemed that in Roiphe's experiences women were the only ones supporting the men's bad habits. Though, as Roiphe includes that briefly the women's movement gave some relief to "isolated women who were off adventure bound [...] unwilling to be sole caretakers" (209). This also relates to the Paco Underhill article "Shop Like a Man", which he states that women were subserviant to men and even picked out their underwear. Also, Underhill's article contrasts Roiphe's article, when he states that men are now being more involved in the home, where as before, in Roiphe's article the men were more distant.

An interesting thought was how the children are effected after a divorce. "I wish this weren't so [...] leaving ugly deep scars across our children's psyches[...]" (210). As a child, who has experienced a parents divorce, I believe that the age of the child, when the parents divorce, has much to do with the effect it has on them. The younger the child, to a certain extent has less of an effect. If the parents divorce when the child is older it would be harder for the child to put trust in future relationships. Personally, I do not feel that my parents' divorce, when I was four years old, has any connection to the relationships that I develop in my life. My mother was also in a similar situation as Roiphe's mother, and I don't see my self with any scars.

Paco Underhill-"Shop Like a Man"

Paco Underhill’s “Shop Like a Man” demonstrates the simple fact that overall men are more simpler and more spontaneous shoppers than women. I found it incredibly true that women enjoy shopping more frequently than men, and they also enjoy taking their time to browse and purchase. "A woman in a store with a man, she will spend less time there than when she's alone,or with another woman, or with children" (191).For example, when it comes to shopping for groceries women are usually the one with the shopping list. When a woman shops for clothing, she more than likely tries an item or five on, and if it fits, at a good price, and she can find something to match it she will take it. I thought it was alarming that men would not shop at all unless it was out of necessity. Men usually accompany women to a clothing or grocery store, and if there are children, he would be the one to get unnecessary items in the cart. “Throw in a couple of kids in with Dad and you’ve got a lethal combination; he’s notoriously bad at saying no […]” (189).
I also saw a small relation to the Dave Barry article “Guys vs. Men”, when Underhill mentions to “giving him a vehicle to commandeer […] emphasizes the potential for guyness in the experience” (189). It seems that guys need to be entertained while spending time shopping.Whether it is watching the big screen in the electronics department or pushing the shopping cart, guys need to feel they should be occupied with something. Underhill's article also relates to Barry's article when he states that men by more computer devices or something with more "power" that sounds cool or superior.

I thought it was interesting was that Underhill discussed the shifting social aspects of men being more involved in shopping for things as groceries and their own underwear. If you are an able-bodied adult, you should be able to get your own underwear in your correct size. Women today are marrying at a later age and/or more focused with their careers, so they rearrange certain priorities. Simultaneously, men are becoming more involved in the household and family interactions.

Tannen&Pipher Comparison

In Deborah Tannen's article about debate and dialogue she focuses at a certain point on the differences between the comfort level of arguementation between genders. Women and girls prefer to discuss ideas instead of argue or attack the idea. Men and boys tend to participate in debates more frequently than girls, at a young age they are taught to compete. However, later Tannen state that girls can defend there ideas argumentattively as well, and can be very competitive. "Clealry, women can learn to perform in advesarial ways. Anyone who doubts this oneed only to attend an academic conference in ithe field of women's studies or feminist studies[...]" (240). It is best to think that most women prefer discussion that does not mean they can not debate.

In Piphers article it shows women as victims of academic neglect. "In classes, boys are twice as likely to be seen as role models, five times as likely to recieve teachers's attention[...]" (279). Women are guided by society to take subject that have more to do with discussion and building relaionships with others. It is implied that the academic acheivements of girls are supposed to be inferior to those of boys.

Both artciles show that women are steered by social groups such as, the education system, to be social. Girls have a tendency to be concerned with other issues such as acceptance or beig preoccupied with other thoughts. Both articles also imply that women are taught not to question or challenge authrity, therefore, are not as inclined to speak out against it.

Dave Barry-"Guys vs. Men"

Dave Barry's 'Guys vs. Men" article is a clever and humerous way to show the degree of maturity to what it is to be a "man" and what it is to be a "guy". A man has more responsibility, maturity, and a sense of contol, who knows when to be serious and can show respect. A guy may have less responlsibilities, more fun loving, competitive in meaningless activities, a bit insensitive and is more relaxed. The role of a man is part of the identity as is the guy. Barry notices that even men in their late thirties have a side of them who are just guys. "These are middle-aged guys, suppossedly adults, and they're out there bragginig about thier performance in a stupid juvenile footrace" (406). This article reminds me of a the phrase "there's a kid inside everyone." Meaning, no matter how serious or professional one has to be, inside ourselves is some who wants to have fun once in while and not be so tied down to our commitments.

Barry briefly mentions the difference in guys and women. Women are portrayed to be constantly thinking "She'll be sound asleep in bed, and suddenly at 2 a.m., she'll be awakened by an urgent thought: The blue-green sofa needs to go perpendicular[...] Right now" (405). He compares "every so often a guy will wake up to discover[...] he now lives in an entirely different house"(405). Guys, on the other hand, simply do not think about things that maybe considered urgent as women might.

There is no real equivalent to a "guy" in a female version, which I think is interesting. It maybe because in society girls are viewed to mature faster than boys and therefore always maintain a level of maturity. However, when you use the term, "man" and the term, "woman" they are powerful. They imply a position of maturity and sense of control not only of themselves but also their surroundings or tasks.

Andrew Sullivan-"What are Homosexuals for?"

Sullivan's article was mainly about the struggles of not being able to find or fit his identity in society as a homosexual. Being gay or lesbian is also considered another minority label placed upon a group of people. It is at first hard for individuals to be who they are and feel what they feel among the common culture, and are at many times saddened by the fact that they can not enjoy the same day-to-day life experiences as heterosexuals. For Sullivan, one of the greatest disadvantages about homosexuality is the lack of the ability to procreate. Sullivan states "the lack of children is something that some homosexuals regard as a curse; and it is the thing which heterosexuals most pity(and some envy) about their homosexual acquaintances" ( 387). However, Sullivan takes an optimistic approach and notes that even though homosexuals can not have children, the way a heterosexual couple can, they can still contribute in their careers and spare time to the well-being of society, as much as anyone else.

Another point that I thought was very moving, was that throughout this article Sullivan keeps in mind that no matter what your sexual orientation is, we are all still human. "[...] I am not at a loss to know that they are different experiences: equally human, but radically different" (385).

In the end, people are people, everyone performs a role a certain way around certain people, in certain situations. According to Sullivan "Or perhaps there role is to have no role at all" (389). There is no predestined way to be who we are or who we want to be. Society should incorporate individuals not inhibit them.

Malcom X-Learning To Read

The "Learning to Read" by article was powerful, incredibly bold. Given the fact that there is so much history and mistreatment in the history behind the piece. The article was written in an almost subtle way at first, as a narrative "It was because of my letters that I happened to stumble upon starting to acquire some type of home made education" (223). It begins very calm beginning on how and why he started reading. Then as he utilizes this story to open up to his point "If I weren't out here everyday battling, I could spend the rest of my life reading[...]" (231). He is saying that through the angst of adversity there should be no reason why anybody should not recieve an education, even if they have to teach themselves. I also believe that this is why the article was more appealing to me was because it was full of achievement on your own merits, the whole triumph over adversity.

However, during some pparts of the essay, there was an immense amount of resentment toward the "white man", which Malcom X had every right to express. It is depressing to know that the knowledge he learned through reading was the atrocities the "'white devils' " commited. Also, this is merely a biased portion of history, it is true that every culture has events that there are not proud of. Yet he keeps in mind that without reading he would not have gained all this knowledge and he could support the points he was making in his letters and speeches.

Mary Pipher-"Academic Selves"

To be honest I did not enjoy Piphers article as much, though I thought it was an interesting topic, the way it was written pretty much bored me. I feel that she was mainly stating just facts, yet at the same time getting across her opinion , there was not really any emotion to appeal to the audience. However, I was never in a position were I felt that I was being "shortchanged". Obviously, in my classes there were always other students that were smarter than me, both boys and girls. Personally, I ex cell in reading and writing and I am not as proficient in math. But this article made me wonder, (and I relate this to sociology), that maybe women are steered to English subjects and boys are steered to technical subjects. With that said, the appraisal between the genders does amaze me. An accomplishment of any kind is nonetheless an accomplishment. There should not be a difference in the level of praise. Yet I can agree that girls tend to be more internal thinkers. "Because their success is is attributed to good luck or hard work and failure to lack of ability, with every failure, girls' confidence is eroded" (280). Not to say that girls are victims of their feelings, it is just that society has trained them to be more multi-taskers and not only do but think about many things at one time. Though, everyone is different; some people can multi-task and others can not. The main idea is that socialization does play a big part in how boys and girls are tracked into certain behaviors whether we realize it or not. At a young age boys are taught more technical career asprations some thet may not involve as much emotional connection and grils tend to be manuevered toward careers that deal with emotions, thoughts, and peer relationships, of course that is a generalization.

I also think the whole idea of being afraid to be successful is insulting. There are so many opportunities that can open because of success in academics whether they are big or small. I was very troubled when I read "'All I care about is my friends. grades don't matter to me' "(281). It bothered me, not the fact that a young girl said that but that any one could say that; education should not be taken for granted regardless of gender. No one should be afraid of academic achievement.